Tag Archives: humor

Other people’s scents are like other people’s pussies.

Seriously. Even if you adore pussies, do you want a random stranger’s pussy all up in your face? (If you answered yes, imagine it has mange. Want it in your face now?)

Black and white stencil on pink background of Holly Golightly’s face being attacked by a tabby cat
Cat Attack stencil by Dr. Case

This is what dealing with the general public is like for us. We went to the optometrist today to pick up new glasses for the first time in over five years. We’ve been avoiding getting new specs for exactly this reason.

Pause to admire the new specs.

The author wearing their new glasses.
Us in our beautiful new glasses. That we could only wear for this photo op because they are so scented.

Okay, back to rant.

As soon as we walked into the office, other people’s pussies were all up in our face without our consent. Ew.

When we left, we were still covered in it. To extend the analogy, it’s like visiting someone with a pussy and leaving covered in fur. Even lint rollers rarely get it all. It takes time and effort to remove, and six months later you still find stray hairs.

Gray tabby cat covered in styrofoam
Cat covered in styrofoam by Sean McGrath

If you aren’t allergic to other people’s pussies, this is merely annoying. If your immune system freaks out at the mere thought of pussies, it makes everyday life extremely hazardous.

Our immune system must be misogynist because it sure hates pussy. (Ba-dum ching!)

Think you’re unscented? Probably not. Fragrance is found in most personal care products, just for starters. They are also probably affecting your health whether you realize it or not. According to the Environmental Working Group, 66% of the chemicals lumped in under “fragrance” or “parfum” on ingredient labels have not been assessed for safety by the FDA. That’s a whopping two-thirds!

Infographic showing fragrance is found in 96% of shampoos, 98% of conditioners, 97% of hair styling products, 91% of antiperspirants, 95% of shaving products, 83% of moisturizers, 63% of sunblocks, 91% of lip moisturizers, 71% of lipsticks, 50% of foundations, and 33% of blushes and eyeliners.
Just some of the places scents may be hiding in your home. Please see WomensVoices.org for the full “Secret Scents” infographic.

This study from Vanderbilt University analyzed the chemical makeup of twelve popular scents using gas chromatography-mass spectrometry and then tallied their health hazards. 109 out of 130 chemicals identified are health hazards according to the United Nations Globally Harmonized System of Classification and Labeling of Chemicals. Love Bath and Body Works’ sweet pea scent? 87% of its ingredients are toxic. And it’s not the worst offender in the study.

So if scents are pussies, you probably don’t want to smell your own pussy, let alone other people’s. Remember that next time you go shopping. Kthxbai.

Woman holding grumpy fluffy cat against face
This is a predator just waiting to attack. Look at that face. You really want that pussy in your face, ma’am?

Author’s note: Yes, we’re old enough to remember “O.P.P.” by Naughty by Nature and we had a lot of fun with the double entendres in this.