Audiobook review: The Woman in Me by Britney Spears

⭐️⭐️⭐️

The Woman in Me by Britney Spears starts out slow, but around a third of the way in it picks up with Justin Timberlake’s betrayal. Life falls apart for Britney after that as she is used and abused by those who saw dollar signs instead of a person when they looked at her. I cried when Britney thanked her fans for helping free her from the conservatorship. I hope now she gets to have peace surrounded by those who truly love her.

Ch-ch-ch-changes!

A belated Happy New Year to all! 2018 has brought changes in several areas.

I discussed kindred (vampire) biology with my bestie and science editor, Mad Doktor Matt, and realized I need to make the following changes:

  • The faction of kindred my characters deal with has a worldwide system of government, but is just one example of kindred culture and government. As kindred spread across the earth along with humans, they would have developed different cultures and governments.
  • I got a bit too enthusiastic about borrowing from camels’ water and heat management techniques. It didn’t occur to me, for example, that 30 gal of water weighs 250 lbs! So being able to drink 30 gal in 10 min would be impossible for a human-sized being. I’ll also have to lower the hydration requirements.
  • We came up with a 12 hour time limit between blood feedings in a late night brainstorming session, imagining a dramatic death scene. On further examination, if kindred evolved in parallel with humans from shortly after the evolution of humans, this wouldn’t work. In order to get enough blood to sustain themselves and avoid detection, kindred would have to be able to travel between settlements. Since they primarily require white blood cells, I’ll change the time limit to 13-20 days + a week. So I’ll also have to recalculate their carrying capacity accordingly.
  • Matt mentioned the feeding allergy part sounded like a game mechanic. It makes more sense to have the sensitization occur over a series of feedings. So one way to tell there’s a vampire around is if a lot of people start getting anaphylaxis.
  • We discussed what happens if a kindred turns into a flock of bats or mist and some of the bats get killed or someone sucks up the mist with a towel. We decided that the kindred would transform back, but be more emaciated, having lost an equivalent amount of mass. For example, a kindred turns into a flock of 10 bats and an enemy kills 1. When the kindred changes back they will have lost 10% of their mass.

I’m glad we had the discussion. These all serve as great examples of how every writer has blind spots.

As I mentioned previously, I’m having another release surgery. All burn survivors need such surgeries periodically as the scar does not grow with the rest of the body. Burn scars actually contract over time. I’ll be getting a combination of z-plastys and laser treatment tomorrow. Right now I’m bummed I’ll have to stop work on my cross stitch project so I don’t leak all over it, but it helps to have gone through all this before. Here’s a shot of my work in progress:

I’m a little over halfway across the top. I still haven’t filled in the background on the chart’s second page because the post office lost my floss. Hopefully they’ll find it!

I plan to use some of my downtime to fulfill a childhood dream and learn Русская (Russian)! I think I was attracted to the Cyrillic alphabet. I’ve also always loved Russian fairytales. I’ve always wanted to learn all the languages in the world! It amuses me that once I learn Russian and Italian, I’ll know all the axis languages. (Totally unplanned!)

While I’m healing, I wish all of you tranquility and joy in abundance.

Joy wreath from Christmas to Color by Mary Tanana, colored by yours truly.

Milestones

Hello, dear readers. This month’s been a bit rough energy-wise and kept me from posting on schedule. I’m working on putting self-care first. I did manage to walk all the way around Lake Elizabeth on Monday! This was huge! I took the following pictures during my walk.

This little pine has the holiday spirit!This winter tree felt so serene. A gorgeous Japanese garden area. Tranquility. A fellow walker hangs an ornament on this impromptu community Christmas tree.

Then I tripped over my own shoes and sprained both my left wrist and ankle. Ouch! They’re healing well, but I’ll be unable to post as much. I’ll also be unable to cross stitch for a while. Happily, I finished most of page 2 and started on page 3. My favorite needlework store, Needle in a Haystack, is sending me two background colors I didn’t have enough of and I’m waiting for the package to make it through the holiday mail rush. I took a picture before I started page 3:

Chart page 2 (mostly) complete!

I think the sinuous red bit looks like a dragon. 🙂 When I’m finished I want to make a time- lapse “making of” video.

I also have a big milestone coming up. Last March I had a release done on my burn scars. I will have a second release surgery this coming year to give me more movement and less pain in my shoulder and elbow. I’ll post again when I know more. Naturally, this blog will be on hiatus while I heal.

感謝の日

みんな,ごめんなさい!先々週疲れていて、訂正するのを忘れていました。そして先週父はいくつかの心臓発作、病院へ行きました。医者はブロックされた動脈を取り除き、ステント11番を挿入した。彼はよく癒しています、でも非常に過敏です。
アメリカで今日は感謝の日です。感謝の日は収穫祭です。伝統的に人々は、彼らが何に感謝しているかを言います。あなたの助けにLang-8の友達に感謝します。あなたたは今日私が感謝していることのひとつです。私の犬パンダベアーにも感謝し、健康は徐々に改善しています。
母は、ポケモンが感謝の日のために特別なピカチュをリリースするかどうか尋ねました。私は巡礼者ピカチュウを想像した。 可愛いじゃない?


Sorry everyone! The week before last I was tired and forgot to make corrections. Then last week my father had several heart attacks and went to the hospital. The doctors cleared a blocked artery and inserted stent #11. He is healing well, but is very irritable.
Today in the U.S. it’s Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is a harvest festival. Traditionally people say what they’re thankful for. Thank you Lang-8 friends for your help. You are one of the things I’m grateful for today. I am also thankful for my dog Panda Bear and that my health is slowly improving.
My mom asked if Pokemon Go would release a special Pikachu for Thanksgiving. I imagined a pilgrim Pikachu. Wouldn’t that be cute?

On Alphas and Omegas

Yesterday I took a walk and ran into an older woman. She was also out walking and just seemed to need to talk. It sounds like she’s alone in her home most of the time. I can relate. It’s increasingly easy to become isolated in today’s world. When you’re not young, healthy, and able to be active in work, school, or social groups, the walls close in. Many people seem to think social media is an adequate substitute for real contact and communication. I think that’s because these folks have a vibrant support network and active life which social media merely supplements. For those who can’t fully participate in our able-body-oriented world, social media is something, but nothing can replace in person interaction. So I let the woman bend my ear for a while and validated the positive choices she was making.

The interaction made me think of a line in Patricia Briggs’ Alpha and Omega series (I’ll paraphrase since I listen to the audiobooks):

“I bet complete strangers come up to you and tell you their deepest secrets all the time.”

Charles says this to Anna, explaining that it’s a trait of omega wolves. In Briggs’ universe, omega wolves are a rare combination of dominant and submissive traits. Omega wolves share the dominant urge to protect, but don’t feel the need to fight for dominance or kill like submissive wolves. Omegas also are the only wolves that are not affected by a magical compulsion to obey a more dominant wolf’s orders. One character in the Alpha and Omega series calls omegas “dominants who are really, really zen.”

If I lived in Briggs’ universe, I’d be an omega. I’ve had total strangers come up to me and say, “I have this feeling I need to talk to you,” and proceed to spill their darkest troubles. The closer our association, the more people seem to feel compelled to tell me everything. This is a useful trait for an author, as I get to hear a lot of fascinating stories. I also enjoy helping people attain some measure of peace.

Being an omega is tricky, however. I’ve run into trouble because those with more…aggressive…natures sometimes suddenly realize they’ve told me highly sensitive information. Even though I’m good at keeping secrets, these people suddenly view me as a threat. Their fear then drives them to attack.

Another trait of omega wolves is that others feel the need to protect them. This is also a double-edged sword. Sometimes I have unconsciously relied on that protection and left myself vulnerable to harm.

I won’t list all the reasons I’d be an omega, but thinking about this topic in conjunction with world-building, I decided that the dominance angle comes from werewolves’ human creators and is not an essential part of werewolves.

From my participation in BDSM, I’ve seen extremes of dominance and submission. Werewolves as presented in Patricia Briggs’ novels offer a useful paradigm for categorizing kinky humans.

  • An Alpha is the most dominant person or wolf in a given area. They assume responsibility for others’ safety. Dominants feel compelled to jockey for position and will fight to attain and maintain the highest social rank possible. Kinky human dominants who pursue healthy relationships usually want to be alphas.
  • A Beast is an alpha who does not feel the need to protect others. In kink terms, this equates to the predators, abusers, bullies, and well-named Assholes in Leather among us. These people promulgate the disgusting trope that submissives are (or should be) doormats. This GoodReads thread has a great discussion on this topic re: the Alpha and Omega series.
  • Omegas may equate to switches. In the kink world, a switch has both dominant and submissive aspects which they switch between.
  • Submissives are those humans and wolves who aren’t preoccupied with fighting for position (at least not to the extent dominants are). In the context of a BDSM dynamic, a submissive obeys their dominant and does their best to please them within agreed bounds. Contrary to the belief of many human Beasts, submissives need not submit to anyone but their dominant partner(s) without prior consent. Briggs’ werewolves are different in that all wolves must submit to the most dominant wolf present. This and several quotes from the books perpetuate the “submissives are doormats, the lowest of the low” trope.

This paradigm can even be useful outside of kink circles. In my mind it runs into two problems, however:

  1. The aforementioned “submissives are doormats, the lowest of the low” trope. Submissives can be very powerful!
  2. Actual wolf pack dynamics.

I encourage you to read the full article I’ve linked above. Here’s the gist, though:

studies of wild wolves have found that wolves live in families: two parents along with their younger cubs. Wolves do not have an innate sense of rank; they are not born leaders or born followers. The “alphas” are simply what we would call in any other social group “parents.”

The whole alpha thing was a mistake born from observing captive wolves. Captive wolves are usually a group of unrelated specimens. They’re not family. This leads to the abnormal preoccupation with social dominance researchers observed. I also think researchers may have laid human preoccupation with dominance over their observations, distorting what they actually saw. This doesn’t mean wolves in the wild don’t care about dominance at all, just that it’s not behind a lot of pack behavior.

I’ve already noted that I like to remain as true to current science in my writing as possible. Therefore, the werewolves in my universe will not have any of that “alpha vs. omega” nonsense. Therianthropes of all kinds will behave according to a combination of their human nature and the way their animal nature behaves in the wild. That means my werewolf packs will be families. (And yes, I’m planning more than just werewolves!)

Bday 💖, Walkin’ in the Rain, and Musings on Needlework and Writing

Today’s post is a bit of a mixed bag. 🙂

🎁First, a very happy birthday to my bestie and science editor, Mad Doktor Matt! Many happy returns! 🎂 Matt has helped me brainstorm the biology of my supernatural beings over many lengthy conversations. He helps me stay true to the science and decide when to depart from (known) reality. He’s also a fantastic first reader and support! Much love to you, my friend!

Today I took a walk in the rain. In yesterday’s Japanese post I mentioned my pain doc gave me some good advice. As it gets darker, I start getting the urge to hibernate. He said I could combat my sleepiness with daily walks. The mornings are best because there’s more light.

I like to hunt Pokémon as I walk. I had a lucky day, snapping up a Bellsprout and a Mareep. I stopped at a nearby church to take over the gym and I noticed how beautiful this flower looked in the rain.

The glam-shot quality comes from the sandwich bag I used to keep the rain off my iPhone. Anyone know what kind of flower this is?

I also wanted to share that I’ve started my next cross stitch project. This one will be a wedding gift for my friend and Matt’s sister, Julie. Julie is a phlebotomist and has given me lots of details about blood and how the collection system works. These are vital details for any vampire-centric novel, in my opinion.

I’m keeping the painting I’m stitching a surprise. I can tell you that it’s a max color chart by Heaven and Earth Designs, which means it contains over 200 colors!

I’m trying the Floss-A-Way organization system this time and I really like it. The system consists of rings like those in a binder and small ziplock bags with a hole in one corner. I cut up the list of symbols and DMC floss numbers. Then I taped one on each bag. This makes it really easy to flip through and find the color I’m looking for. I can also keep lengths of thread neatly tucked away with their skeins. Really helpful for such a large project!

This is my first time stitching on 25-count linen (which means there are 25 stitches per inch). So tiny! Most of the design will be very colorful, but the corner I’m starting with is dark. There are four colors of thread in this picture. Can you find them all?

Challenging, right? As I was stitching today I thought how much it’s like writing a novel. Small, consistent additions add up over time and what starts out amorphous and murky turns into a beautiful whole.

日常のある一日

今日私は毎月の診察のために、ペインクリニックに行きました。この外出は私の犬、パンダベアにとっては長すぎるです。彼女は家にいなければならず、悲しんでいました。私が家に帰った時、彼女は私をキスして覆いかぶっさった。私は彼女がいなくて寂しかったが、それは面白い旅行だった。私の医者から良い助言を得ました。今日、私たちは美しい秋の天気を楽しみながら、屋外で会いました。それから、スターバックスでアイスティーを購入して、ポケモン・ゴーをしました。急襲してテンタクルーをやっつけるために三回試みた。毎回、非常に近づくのですが、いつも勝つことができませんでした。あんたはポケモン・ゴーをしますか?
その後、後でコートハンガーから彫刻を作っている男に会った。彼に何ができるのか尋ねた。彼が「なぜあなたは知りたいのですか」と答えたとき、私は驚きました。
「興味があるから」と言った。
「兵士だよ。」
「すごい。頑張って仕上げてください。」
「なぜですか?あなたがこれを仕上げますか?」
「いいえ。早く完成させて、あなたが目標を達成できることを願っている。」
「もし私がそれを終わらせなければ、どうしますか?」彼は好戦的に続けた。
「それは偉大な彫刻のように見えるので、それは悲しいだろう。」
彼はついに笑って喜んだように見えた。面白いやり取りだった。


Today I went to see my pain doctor for my monthly checkup. It’s too long a trip for my dog, Panda Bear, to accompany me. Therefore she had to stay home and was sad. When I came home she covered me with kisses! Even though I missed her, it was an interesting trip. I got good advice from my doctor. We met outdoors today, enjoying the beautiful Fall weather. Afterward I got iced tea from Starbucks and played Pokemon Go. I tried three times to beat a Tentacruel in a raid. Every time I got very close, but I couldn’t win. Do you play Pokemon Go?
Later I met a man who has been making a sculpture from coat hangers. I asked him what it was going to be. I was surprised when he answered, “Why do you want to know?”
“I’m just curious,” I said.
“It’s a soldier.”
“Cool. Good luck finishing it.”
“What? You’re going to finish it?”
“No. I hope you finish quickly and achieve your vision.”
“What if I don’t finish it,” he continued belligerently.
“That would be sad because it looks like it will be a great sculpture.”
He finally smiled and seemed pleased. It was an interesting conversation.

🐺🎃Happy Halloween!🕷👹

Happy Halloween, dear readers!

I had an encounter this evening that shows the power of a good storyteller. My parents don’t hand out candy. I think it’s a little bah humbug of them, but since it’s their house I play along. We keep the front of the house dark to discourage trick or treaters, but one or two always stop by anyway.

Tonight I opened the door to a maybe-twelve-year-old bride of Dracula. After she’d gushed over Panda Bear and said the traditional “trick or treat”, I said, “Goblins ate all our candy. Sorry.”

She gasped softly and her eyes went wide. “Really?” she whispered.

I nodded solemnly.

She left totally convinced my candy hoard had been wiped out by goblins. Point to the storyteller. 🎃

A gorgeous, orange, perfect Halloween sunset.

A gorgeous, orange, perfect Halloween sunset.

I took Panda for a walk this evening (before the above encounter) and was treated to a gorgeous orange sunset, perfect for Halloween Night. I’m so pleased I was able to capture it with the sun right in the pocket.

While we walked I played Pokémon Go. As I suspected, there are more creepy Pokémon out in honor of Halloween, even more than during the rest of the Halloween event. I was stoked to finally get enough candy to evolve my Onix into a Steelix, its special evolution. In fact, tonight was an evolution bonanza! I also caught two witch Pikachu and hatched two Cleffa, who are among my favorite Pokémon. Cleffa’s ears remind me of Princess Leia. 🙂

While I was hunting Pokémon, I checked out neighborhood decorations. This yard is one of my favorites this year:

My favorite neighborhood yard decorations this season.

My favorite neighborhood yard decorations this season.

I also spotted this cat pumpkin and instantly gave it my Most Creative Pumpkin Award (made up on the spot 😁):

Winner, Most Creative Pumpkin Award 2017.

Winner, Most Creative Pumpkin Award 2017.

I hope you all have a happy and safe All Hallows’ Eve! Enjoy this amazing fan music video combining The Lord of the Rings and “All Souls Night” by Loreena McKennitt.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhuDlxK04dU

Video

National Fire Prevention Month 2017

Please enjoy my first vlog, in which I talk about National Fire Prevention Month, my own burn survival story, safety tips, and share some information about living with the unique properties of burn scars. This video includes a black and white photo of my scars taken by my dear friend Alice Morrison. The photo is intended to show the extent of my scars and their beautiful patterns, but does show a nipple.

My Monster, the Vampire

It’s Friday, October the thirteenth today! (Pro tip: not the day to schedule your secret society meeting. 😉) That makes this the perfect day to blog about vampires.

Why vampires? For one thing, they’re at the core of the novel I’m writing, House Ibsen. There are lots of other classic monsters, too, like werewolves and witches and trolls (oh my! 😉), though the focus is on vampires.

But the real reason is that vampires are my monsters.

You see, every Fall I’d dread October’s arrival. The horror genre took over the airwaves. You couldn’t turn on the TV without seeing some sort of monster. I have always been prone to night terrors, the kind of nightmares where you thrash about and scream in your sleep. One time I backhanded my babysitter in the face mid-nightmare, but that’s another story.

Every October for years I’d have a nightmare that I was trapped in a treehouse and vampires were coming to get me. Every year like clockwork. It scared the bejeezus out of me. I can’t remember if it started before the The Simpsons’ “Treehouse of Horror” episode or not.

It finally stopped recurring sometime in junior high when I realized why I was particularly terrified of vampires; vampires are real and I was surrounded by them in my daily life.

I don’t mean that I was literally surrounded by the bloodsucking undead. I mean that many of the people in my life were like vampires. These people drained their victims of energy, money, and power. In psychology terms, they were toxic people high on the malignant narcissism scale. I believe that vampires function as a metaphor for humans who abuse power and prey on others.

I’ve read a lot of scholarly twaffle about vampires representing fears of blood borne disease and promiscuity. I don’t buy it. It makes much more sense to me that werewolves represent fears of infection (and being preyed upon by animals). The promiscuity angle comes from vampires and toxic people both using seduction to lure prey.

I have come to have a greater appreciation for vampires and worked on desensitizing myself. My best friend Matt helped. We’d rent vampire films and mock them mercilessly.

But I’m still afraid of vampires. They’re my monster because they continue to pop up in real life. They also continue to be the number one boogie man in my dreams. In fact, I was inspired to start writing HouseIbsen by a terrible nightmare involving vampires.

Which monster is your monster?


Bonus tidbit: one of my grandfathers believed Friday the 13th was his lucky day because good things always happened to him on that date. Specifically, he disembarked safely in Europe in World War II, returned home from the war, and died having a great day on the golf course, all on Friday the 13th.